today we will talk one–one most hidden and complex psychological conditions — codependency.. What are happen, how does it manifest, and where is the the line between healthy between caring and turning into an unhealthy - is?
– Let’s start with the main point, who are a codependent A codependent person,? happen hear this word ხშირად often, but many do not know its exact meaning.
Oto: Thank you for this question. The answer might surprise you. A codependent is not simply a person who likes helping others. It is a much deeper and more hidden psychological condition
Codependency begins when someone else's life overshadows yours and becomes more important than your own. It’s when another person's problems, emotions, and decisions take precedence over your personal needs. This condition often manifests where, at first glance, there is only "love and care." A person is ready to do everything to help another, but in the process, they lose themselves
The primary characteristic of codependency is a dependency on controlling someone else's happiness — when you measure your own worth only by how satisfied the person next to you is. This condition is often hidden behind care, self-sacrifice, and excessive attention. From the outside, it may look like heroism and devotion, but internally, it is a denial of one's "self" and a loss of identity
– This is interesting.. It turns, that the line between caring and codependency is quite fragile. how should we distinguish, whether we are being caring or have already become codependent?
Giorgi: Yes, the line between these two is difficult to notice
A caring person stands by others but does so while protecting their own boundaries. They maintain their own life, interests, and needs; in this process, they do not lose their identity and continue to satisfy their personal requirements. Their help is a free choice and not a fear that if they do not help, they will lose love or worth
On the other hand, a codependent person loses themselves. They find it difficult to say "no," perceive someone else's problems as their own, and in the process, forget about their own difficulties.
The main difference lies in the driving force and the results:
- A caring person continues their life peacefully even after providing help
- A codependent person, however, is "attached" to others and feels empty and insignificant without them
Ask yourself the question: "Does my care come from love or from fear?
– how can we realize, that love is truly turning into an unhealthy, codependent - relationship? What are Its hidden signs?
Oto: Love, which begins with warmth and loyalty, sometimes changes in a way that it no longer resembles a healthy relationship. This is precisely where codependency manifests—a state where people, in the name of "love," lose themselves and forget their personal needs.
Hidden signs, if we observe closely, become obvious:
- Loss of one's own needs When someone else's well-being is constantly prioritized, and you no longer pay attention to yourself
- „Fear“-of saying "no" When you feel that saying "no" will result in the loss of love or goodwill.
- Emotional attachment When your mood is entirely dependent on someone else. If they are happy, you feel at peace; if they are sad, you feel distressed and anxious
- Taking on others' problems as your own As if you consider it your duty to solve others' problems for them and assume the role of a "savior" in their lives
- Loss of personal identity A gradual distancing from friends, personal interests, and goals, as all energy is consumed by caring for and thinking about a single person
These signs are often labeled as "excessive love" or "helping from the heart," but in reality, this is not healthy love, because within it, a person loses their own "self."
– You mentioned, that even helping can become საზიანო harmful. When this happen and What are the consequences?
Giorgi: Help provided through love and care is part of a healthy relationship. But there are cases when help becomes harmful — not only for you but also for the person you are supporting. This is one of the clearest manifestations of codependency.
A codependent person becomes so deeply immersed in someone else's problems that they imperceptibly begin living through them, and their own difficulties become insignificant to them. Over time, initial care turns into control, and the feeling of love transforms into constant nervousness and anxiety. The person develops a belief that without their help, everything will fall apart
And the problem is exactly this: when you surrender yourself completely, you remain unprotected, and the other person never learns to cope with difficulties independently. Help that was intended to be encouraging ultimately turns into shackles for both parties. This is a clear example of how good intentions can turn into a weapon of self-destruction
Of course, there is a way out of this situation. The first and most important step is acknowledging the problem, and then — asking for help.
